Ta da list

ailbhe 29y6m
  1. Got up before 8am
  2. Had shower
  3. Got dressed
  4. Tidied bathroom and set toothbrush to charge, toothbrush charger was disgusting, seriously how does that happen?!
  5. Took delivery of groceries, put some away
  6. Put on a load of laundry from the holiday
  7. Emptied and refilled the dishwasher
  8. Cleared mouldy food off table, dear god, ew
  9. Went to charity shop with three children, delivered donations and bought some things in my new, larger size
  10. Went to pharmacy to pick up hairties, chapstick etc
  11. Supervised kids doing some workbooks
  12. Booked Linnea's summer camp
  13. Booked my optician's appointment
  14. Paid a bill
  15. Let the electricity meter reader in
  16. Made enquiries about Linnea's summer school
  17. Registered for the potato council's educational growing kit
  18. Started sorting fluids for the trip on a plane in a few weeks. Carry-on only, the children are anxious about REALLY WANTING to bring (nail varnish, shower milk, detangler, whatever) so I'm trying to sort it out ahead of time. The good news is, because there are no children's fares any more, we have five adult cabin baggage allowances.
  19. In the last three days I have also booked all those flights, bus and taxi transfers etc.
  20. And I remembered to eat food.

Five weeks later

ailbhe 29y6m
I have spent most of the past five weeks really really unwell. But I'm hopeful it's going to get better. After Christmas we spent a week at Centerparcs and I did tiny bits of cycling and lots of playing in the swimming pool, then we traveled back and the following day I was unable to stay awake for more than 10 minutes at a time, but that's ok.

Today we got out of the house in the daylight and ran some necessary errands, and I've made an appointment for an eye test, and the children are starting on their workbooks again. Emer has taught herself to crochet and Linnea's interest in Things And Stuff continues unabated. Astrid learned to swim while we were away and can now propel herself forwards in the water and breathe.

In bed for a bit

ailbhe 29y6m
Actually on sofa, but this is the second day in a row I haven't been well enough to get dressed.

Winsome, Losesome

ailbhe 29y6m
I have been getting out a bit more and doing a bit less when I do, so I haven't had any huge setbacks, so that's good. But I have a horrible headcold, bad enough that Rob's taken the day off work so I can try to recover a bit.

I've been watching Doctor Who on Netflix because I can't read books any more. Most of it I haven't seen before. It's nice and lightweight, generally, but sometimes infuriatingly bad.

Christmas is under control; the food is ordered, the gifts are mostly bought, the tree is up, we just need to send the cards.
ailbhe 29y6m
I have a little pedometer app on my phone so I've been keeping an eye on what I do. I WAS leaving the house about once every three weeks, but since I'm not in constant pain any more, just intermittent plus fatigue, I'm carefully increasing it.

I did about 7k steps on Friday, in to town and around, and got a taxi back. I did 2k to the post office and back on Monday. And on Wednesday I did 8k taking the kids shopping, and when I came home I collapsed freezing cold and shaking for an hour. The cat scratched me because I couldn't get up to feed him, and the four-year-old used the kitchen steps to fetch me the antiseptic cream. But then I was able to cross the room to turn on the telly and we watched Monsters Inc which was lovely. Today is Thursday and my hips are aching, but I'm more or less ok otherwise. The morning got off to a bad start but I was mobile by 10 or so, though still tired and inclined to rest.

The thing is, if I never USE my muscles, they will go. They are going. My calves are floppier and I can't do my boots up. My abdomen is sagging. My clothes are getting too tight. Like Victor Tugelbend, I'd much rather be lazy with muscles that WORKED. So I must keep gently pressing on without making myself as ill as yesterday afternoon.

It was lovely to get out with the kids though, and show them the little Christmas market outside the old Town Hall, and sit in cafés and so on. They are such nice people.

Today I have used the address book and a pile of stickers to make a first step towards sending Christmas cards. I've been too ill for the last few years but today I even managed to order a print of a comparatively recent photo of the kids, so people can find out what they look like (big! lovely! long hair!)

I hope to get into town tomorrow to buy Christmas secrets without the children, but I'm a bit worried. I might have to use taxis. Perhaps I'll sell another painting (I've sold some! on Etsy! I'm so proud! And not as broke as I otherwise might be in spite of all the building work!)

FOOD

ailbhe 29y6m
I've cut out gluten as well as dairy and soy, and I've had massive vitamin D supplements, and my joints and digestion and migraines are all much better. And I'm not starving all the time; today I wanted to eat something like biscuits but also wasn't even slightly hungry, which was downright weird. I've been hungry most of the time for, um, ever, it feels like. Except just after a meal. Often hungry and feeling too sick to eat, since my early teens.

But not now.

Gosh.

Illin'

ailbhe 29y6m
People really don't seem to understand my current level of unwellness. I can walk a couple of hundred yards but I have to rest. I shower sitting down most of the time - I celebrate being able to shower standing up, but I did it unwisely the other day and had to lie down afterwards for a rest. I have developed strategies for keeping the children amused and fed, and they seem to get plenty of exercise though could probably use more.

However, I walked almost a mile without significant pain on Friday, so it's possible. Just not terribly likely.

It's making Christmas a big, big deal. I'm having to plan extremely carefully so that we can get everything the children expect as a tradition (Christmas pudding trivial and could be skipped or bought in, Christmas trifle very very important to get right). I'm not sure when I'll get the energy to take them all into the town centre but it had better be soon; we have birthday and Christmas presents which have to be bought *by them* not by me.

I think I have a plan, but it's tricky, because if I can't walk, the plan won't work, and I never know until I wake up how bad my knees will be.

I seem to have lost myself somehow

ailbhe 29y6m
I don't read any more - and don't write - and I don't even make poems, I haven't since all that nastiness in the Loos years ago. I have painted a little for the last two days, so that's something.

It's all part and parcel of being so exhausted and feeble all the time. But I don't really know myself.

I was reading http://pomes.dreamwidth.org/ today, and reached http://pomes.dreamwidth.org/46338.html and realised I MISS it. I'm not sure how to restart though.

Clovembisn't

ailbhe 29y6m
I never do Clovember and I always sort of wish I did but in all honesty thinking about my clothes *every day* for a *whole week* is too much.

Hm.

Christmas!

ailbhe 29y6m
My birthday was Saturday, so now it's Christmas planning time. Christmas, that time of year when we're always quietly certain that we'll offend people and/or make the children unhappy! So good I spent New Year 2011 terrifyingly suicidal!

There are things I love about Christmas, and it's much better when we nestle down with just the five (previously four, or three) of us, but the payoff for that is always dealing with the people who want to be here too.

But we've had Hallowe'en and trick or treating and costumes, and I had a birthday cake and people sang Happy Birthday and I blew out the candles, and the children are making paper chains, paper angels, and paper snowflakes.

We really need to figure out how to keep the house from descending into absolute squalor when I'm ill. I'm doing the executive function for everyone and I need to sort that out.

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Visit[ing|ors]

==2009==
HERE
Jan: Linda, Ellises, Ellie, Wags, BfN
Apr: MC?
AWAY
Apr: 12 nights to .se with RLE
Jul: 2 nights camping?
==2008==
Jan: 7 nights in .ie with LE
Feb: 8 nights in .ie with LE
(of which 2 with R)
Jun: 7 nights in .ie with RLE for a wedding
Jul: 7 nights in .ie with RLE
Aug: 5 nights at DWCon with RLE
==2007==
Aug: 4 nights camping with RLE
Sep: 4 nights camping with LE
Nov: 7 nights holiday with RLE
Dec: 2 nights for Xmas
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