She was asleep within 4 minutes of my leaving the room but woke when Linnea coughed, and was asleep again 4 minutes after that. She was cheerful and enthusiastic when I asked if she wanted to go to bed for night-time milk, and refused my alternative offer of milk on the sofa (offered just to check it was bed she wanted).

I think we somehow picked the right stage in her development to try this. Wow. I am amazed by how easy it is. If it goes on being this easy it shouldn't be long before they are both going to bed about the same time (currently, Emer is much later than Linnea).

Tomorrow I have at least two and possibly four little boys, with at least one and possibly up to three parents, coming to tea, after I collect Linnea from nursery. I think I must be mad.

About a quarter to nine she asked for a feed, so I asked if she'd like it in bed, and she agreed, so we went up. Rob found a book. I read her a story, Rob kissed her goodnight, and I fed her until the feed was really truly over, at five past nine. Then Rob rapid returned her a few times. She was asleep within 8 minutes of my leaving the room.

Oh. My. God. Is this true?

Linnea wants a nasty mummy again. One who will let her poo in her pants. Riiiiiight.

But none of the other mummies I named will do because none of them have a trike, apparently.

So she'll have to make do with me when I'm cross.

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I wish I had a clue what she's processing with this. Mean, bad or nasty mummies allow her to misbehave, apparently, and good mummies get cross when she misbehaves. Nasty mummies would let her get hurt, apparently, and good ones make her stay safe. I am definitely a good mummy, which is WHY I get cross.

I have no idea where this is coming from. I haven't even had a parenting-theory conversation in front of her for weeks, since I can't talk about anything now without being pretty sure she'll pick up on it.

It's nice that she thinks I'm a good mummy, and that she thinks I'm her best friend, and that she thinks I'm one of her favourite people. But where's this Nasty Mummy stuff coming from?

Um.

We cheated by starting very very late. But. I brought her up to bed and fed her until she was happy, in the dark; she asked for a teddy and I left to find one; Rob brought the teddy back to her and put her back to bed about ten times in six minutes, while she got angrier and angrier. When she went from "angry" to "hysterical and hoarse" I went up and swapped places; I fed her to sleep in less than ten minutes.

So from decided she was having a bedtime to her being settled took, apparently, less than 20 minutes. For our next trick, we'll do it much, much earlier in the evening.

The good news is that it didn't disturb Linnea in the slightest.

Recycling

We are gathering glass and tetra packs to take to the recycling bank. We have still not found a way to recycle the plastics the council do not handle. Most manufacturers are not amenable to having their plastic returned to sender. Gah.

Lawn-mowing

We did it. I did it until I couldn't do any more, then Rob finished it. We trimmed the edges with a scissors; that's how small our lawn is. The garden looks better now.

Baking

Remember, kids, set a timer for the cupcakes.

Drinks

I am occasionally drinking alcohol in the evening. I'm not sure whether this is dissipation or a sign of being so sane I can afford to risk mind-altering chemicals. English definitely needs the tense "I do be doing."

Oh what a night. Still, at least we woke in time for baths - though not time to deal with the aftermath. As I remember, what a night.

CBeebies at the theatre was terribly exciting. PC Plum was on stage in the flesh! I finally confirmed that he is in fact wearing his PC uniform in as pudge-emphasising a manner as possible; perhaps podgy PCs are friendlier to the eye than slimmer ones? We saw PC Plum, Postman Pat and Jess the cat, Tamba, Piggly Wig from Jakers with Ferny and Dannon (*spit*), the Koala Brothers (no doubt as bad to Australians as Jakers is to me), Bill and Ben (as irritating on stage as they are on telly), Tommy Zoom and the evil Polluto, and others I forget. Linnea took the whole affair very seriously, and so sat solemnly while the rest of the audience shouted back to the stage, etc. Emer was more inclined to interact. Rob and I tried to encourage them by interacting ourselves but Linnea just wasn't inclined to do it.

After that, we had sausages in a bun for lunch, and Rob took Emer to London to collect the trike, and I took Linnea to the museum to kill time. Oh - first she went on the carousel, twice, and met Louis on the upper deck of the bus. At the museum we looked at biscuit tins, a video from the 1950s which alleged to be about a then-modern biscuit factory but was actually about a now-extinct accent, and stuffed animals. Linnea taught me the correct method of colouring in a red deer.

Then we went to the market and I bought some bits and pieces and we waited until it was time to pack up. Linnea packed the paper bags for the loose goods, and the dirty scoops to be washed, and she helped me move the rubbish out of the way so that I could sort it. Linnea also doscovered hwo to operate the cassette player and did a lot of dancing. I only volunteered because they had no-one else, but it turned out someone else volunteered at the last minute, so when Rob and Emer came home from London I was able to leave.

We went to Nandos for dinner because Linnea had been so good at the market and packing up for two hours, and then came home all four on the trike. It has a new kickstand now so when I step on the front of the box it doesn't tip forwards, which is marvellous. Also, the kickstand protects the front light from its most common injury, being bopped when going up and down kerbs Rob can't see.

I think I want to take Linnea to some less pantomime-like theatre for children soon, because she'd really appreciate it. She wasn't keen on the interactive parts, and of course refuses to discuss it much afterwards (I do sometimes get intensely jealous of people with children who communicate their inner worlds freely), but I think she'd get on well with some stuff I saw when very very young; I saw a Dylan Thomas autobiographical play about Christmas when I was under 7, and a lot of what I remember would be totally accessible to Linnea, so I must just keep an eye out. Musicals would be good too, if they didn't have too much romance - she's not into romance and I like it that way.

I want. A musical version of the Owl and the Pussycat. On stage. Lasting about 45 minutes. Surely someone already does this?

Going to bed while everyone else is awake, at 9:30 on a Friday night: Ah, motherhood.
Edit: Sirens in the distance and speeding cars outside, followed by loud children's DVDs in the room below, meant that no, I didn't get to sleep. Instead I got increasingly irritated and eventually gave up trying. Grr.

Just slept 30-45 minutes in the bath. Emer is napping with green eyes (they were sealed shut this morning; it's not infected-looking so I think it's a protective reaction to too much sun yesterday) and Linnea is splashing in the bath I've just left.

We had an exhausting day, including a major dehydration headache for me, but in general the kids were good. I made the mistake of arranging to meet Rob in town on his way home from work, so then Linnea's good behaviour ended abruptly and I had to almost drag her home by one arm (I do not tolerate running away and I really, really do not tolerate being promised good behaviour and not getting it).

She spent some more of her birthday money on a Little Miss book and a ride on a Barney machine. She had a swimming lesson and Emer and I swam while she did that. I had a BfN lesson and Emer and Linnea spent the time in the crash, which they enjoyed very much. It was too hot for eating most of the day.

Emer is really, really not good in this heat. I can't keep her hat on, and she won't drink enough. She's all over a colourless prickly rash, not like heat rash, which is familiar to me from Linnea's previous summers - means Too Much Sunshine.

She loves walking along as long as she gets to hold Linnea's hand as well as mine. This works when Linnea feels particularly cooperative.

I have so much homework to do from my course and so much reading and so much so much. Augh.

It's summer! Out come skirts! And ankles.

It's easy to be feministy about my legs in winter, but in summer, or when I have bad PMS, I get all nnnnn about them. I don't like shaved legs, I don't like the way they feel, I hate the way my stubble grows faster than fairies faster than witches, I hate the pain of waxing, I hate the stinging of swimming after waxing, I hate that none of it is free, hate hate hate.

But in summer - or when I'm ovulating - I feel all frumpy and unfeminine and hairy.

Today started at 4:30 am, when I realised that there were two girls in our bed; Emer woke up, saw Linnea, and decided it was a good time to party. "Yay-ya! Yay-ya!" she cried, and all hope of sleep was lost.
( Domestic morning )( BfN Anniversary Party )
( Ice-lolly/bin tantrum )
( Impromptu visits )
( Sudden guests - I blame the patriarchy )
( Rob is a great cook. )
We had apple and lychee sorbet for dessert, which was lovely. And I ought to be writing up that article on feeding an older baby, and doing my BfN homework for my course; I have another class tomorrow, after Linnea's swimming lesson.

Of course. For a start, "I'm sorry" doesn't fix anything. It can open the way for things to be fixed, but it's not any kind of glue in itself.

Some things can't be fixed without it, of course. Most of the unfixed and unfixable things in my life are because of the complete absence of "I'm sorry."

And "I'm sorry" can lead to forgiveness (fixed!) without regained or re-earned trust (still broken?) which is... something I'm happy with in many cases.

"I'm sorry" doesn't fix anything. But sometimes, it would be a good start.

We had a great day. Fantastic, in fact. Both girls got new sandals, Linnea spent some of her birthday money, we were in and out of town a couple of hours, I did shoe-shopping for two girls without ANY feminist rage, because when I asked the nice lady for "sandals for running and climbing in" she got exactly that, and Linnea's are clearly designed for girls (they're pink-trimmed) but TOTALLY sturdy and grippy and adjustable and strong. In fact, they're just as good as they boys' non-pink sandals. Don't all faint at once.

Before and after the walk to town we did laundry and playing in the garden. The girls got covered in revolting muddy sand and had to be hosed off but that was ok. Emer had a lovely long nap and Linnea ate a lovely big lunch. We used sunscreen for the first time this year and I got some in my eyes. Rob got home from work in good time and I went to the market on foot because the trike is being serviced.

By the end of the volunteer meeting at the market I was so tired I wasn't really managing not to cry.

So a friend drove me and my groceries home. And we collected my Baby Armadillo mei tai from number 20, where the postman delivered it at 13:40 today when I WAS AT HOME, but he didn't ring the bell (he may have knocked, but I can't hear that over the washing machine). Because my mei tai was late being made, Baby Armadillo gave me a free ring sling as an apology gesture. The good thing? BOTH slings are made of solarveil, the totally ecologically unsound SPF50 fabric.

I have a headache and am stil fighting the urge to cry. But I will be fine, truly I will, and some day I will have the money to get my laptop fixed.

I can see the bottom of the laundry bin!

I have no emotions at all regarding the various tragedies int he news at the moment. It's most peculiar. No rage, no sadness, nothing. Burma? 15,000 people? Blank. Not even numb. Two little boys in Scotland? Blank.

---

My own two are in the back garden playing we' games with wawa. They can both operate the tap on the rainwater butt, which may need fencing off, therefore. I'm waiting for a load of laundry to finish so that I can hang it up, and then we will go to town to buy them summer sandals. I've hung up a load already today, and the load currently in is an evil anti-environment load; I used Vanish liquid on it. And on the tips of my fingers, which are stain-free. I wonder whether Vanish is why some of my stretchy tops have lost their elasticity? Could be. I just got so tired of trying to sun-bleach things through the fug and mugginess last week.

Emer is learning not to pinch me. She's learning not to pinch me while feeding, and not to pinch me while reading, and not to pinch me at all, or she gets put down. We have very serious conversations about it and then she slooooooowwwwwllllly puts her pincer-grip fingers cloooooser and clooooooooooser to my flesh, and if I look at her face I see a speculative, mischievous grin.

Hah.

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Linnea likes to serve. She likes to hand round plates of buns or biscuits, dish up at dinner, and offer people things. We had a very popular guest here last weekend who was urged to take more of everything on the dinner table - "Dave, do you like celery and apple?" "Yes." "Would you like some more now? Celery and apple is not tasty to me but it is for you." And again - "Dave, do you like tomatoes? I dont' like tomatoes but they are nice for you. You can have more."

Then the next morning she woke him with a roar of "WAKE UP DAVE DAVE WAKE UP GET UP NOW."

Which was less charming.

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Emer sniffed my beer, and refused to taste it, disdainfully declaring it "dutty." Linnea looked at my beer and declined to taste it because it was fizzy. Emer's most recent high-usage word is "Yu," short for "Yuck."

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Emer has stopped being quite so kissy and Linnea has suddenly started kissing and cuddling in a way she hasn't done since she was pre-verbal. They are quietly affectionate towards each other even when I'm not around; I hear them talking and they both say thanks and sorry and other pleasant things quite a lot, and Linnea looks out for Emer.

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Like when Emer triggered the (newish) automatic door at the pool. Linnea followed her out to rescue her, because Linnea knows that there are cars out there. When my heart forced its way back down my throat and I had them both strapped in place and I could talk without screaming, we discussed why Linnea should not rescue Emer herself but should shout for a grownup. I'm so glad that door wasn't automatic when Linnea was at Emer's stage because there's no way I could have run like that without damaging myself.

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My first Mooncup use was in the toilets at the swimming pool, and Linnea and Emer were totally uninterested, since they discovered that they could leave the cubicle by crawling under the door through puddles of other people's urine. (Actually, they were both dry, when I checked, because it's a remarkably clean pool in spite of looking terrible, but that's not the POINT).

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Emer swims with two armbands and loves it, but doesn't understand why Linnea swims with the teacher instead of with us. Linnea enjoyed her time with me while Emer and Rob were in London but couldn't eat her dinner without Emer.

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I really must work out how air pressure affects their sleep. I have this theory that high pressure makes it harder for them to drop off.

http://www.reading.gov.uk/environmentandplanning/wasteandrecycling/recyclinginformation/General.asp?id=SX9452-A77F8DA4

Oooh. Apparently facilities are better than they used to be. I can recycle shoes when I go to the swimming pool, or I could make a special trip to Rivermead and do glass and shoes and tetrapacks at the same time. Or Rob could go to the Tesco near his work to drop off the books that were left out in the rain and the shoes, but not the tetrapacks. Or I could do the tetrapacks when we go to ERAPA.

In fact, it looks like Friday might be Recycling Day. Glass and shoes at the pool, then tetrapacks on the way to ERAPA later on.

Apparently, Linnea, Emer and I all had some sort of low-level virus, because we all slept like logs, sweated like pigs, and woke feeling and acting better today.

Rob and Emer have gone to London for the trike's annual service. Linnea and I played a camel version of Buckaroo (very startling!) and I've done a bit of laundry, but it started raining.

Since my political views are fairly easy to figure out I see no reason to open myself to the kind of comments I see others getting, so I shan't. I voted, there was a turnout of 27.3% in our ward in spite of a broad range of candidates, I have no idea why people don't vote even when there are lots of choices or the option to spoil a ballot - spoiled ballots are counted around here.

I need to get cash and go buy coffee. And tomorrow Rob's parents are coming over so we need to desqualid and cook properly. I've already done a fair bit of deweekending the kitchen, but it's uphill all the way.

I thought that I was tired, until Linnea fell asleep. Around about four-thirty, in the trike. She slept so deep I couldn't wake her even when I prised open her eyes. She gave up napping years ago - this was some surprise. I don't sleep that deep these days; I wake for little sounds, like children moaning, someone snoring, cats jumping around.

She slept all afternoon, through dinner and bedtime. She woke a few times crying, then last time woke up fine. She doesn't seem to feel unwell, she hasn't got a fever, she's drenched in sweat and hungry and can't bear for me to leave her.

We're going to watch a diplodocus knocking down a tree, and maybe then she'll eat some beans and sausages for tea. She didn't wake until it was too late for bedtime anyhow, so I don't think it matters what time bedtime is for now.

Kenneth Branagh's voice sounds strange - does he always sound so pompous? At least the visuals are good. I love the baby diplodocus.

I didn't get more than 20 minutes' consecutive sleep until after 5 am.

I want to kill and eat something, then fall asleep in the entrails. I think I will attempt to mitigate my vile and foul temper with coffee and toast and jam.

And swimming; in about half an hour we need to leave for the pool so Linnea can have a swimming lesson and Emer and I can have a regular swim. We're all eating toast and jam for some kind of extended breakfast.

The jellyegg shoes I want to wear to my sister's wedding have arrived; they will be fine for the wedding but not great for normal wear as my feet are too wide for normal women's styles. Oh well never mind.