I can't actually articulate how I feel about the Yes vote in Ireland. I spent the day of the vote crying and watching Twitter. I hardly slept the night before the count. I spent the day of the count crying and watching Twitter. Then I made rainbow bunting with the children and danced.

But there's more complicated things in there under the relief and joy. More complicated, less pleasant things. About marriage, and societal acceptance of non-straight persons, and all manner of things. I'm pretty bitter.

List of adjustments

Kettle I don't have to lift (Breville hotcup)
Second kettle in my bedroom so I can have drinks when I can't manage stairs
Second, smaller, fridge so I can have (and give children) breakfast and snacks when ditto
Walking stick
Shower stool
Cleaning service, 4 woman-hours a week at present, hoping to reduce
Budgeting for café time in every single outing, thank goodness for babycinos.
No gluten, dairy or soy
Often only drinking hot water as cold water makes me FREEZING and tea can make me sick

I might remember more later.

Making the right decisions

Well, cleaners was the right way to go, because now I'm able to get dressed every day and the children have even done some painting and other art stuff because I have the oomph to help.

Terry Pratchett is still dead, because that's how dead works. I don't approve.

I've taken steps to have a gardener come and help us dewinter the back garden so it's a good summer space. I usually do this myself but it's not worth the loss of energy. I *like* getting dressed every day.

I take the kids to Brownies now but I have to have a rest in the cafe after the walk there so that I can walk back, and the cafe closes just as Brownies starts, so I have to rest before Brownies, so I have to buy 3 kids drinks so we can all sit in the cafe. The good thing is that babycinos exist.

All my triumphs and achievements are so minor, so small, so trivial-seeming, but they are a big deal to me. I can shower standing up sometimes. I can walk around the block without crutches (it's a small block). I have been painting a little again.

I think I would like my world to be larger, and with more people in it. But it really depends on people coming to me, because I cannot go anywhere without a huge cost.


Traveling to Dublin to lie on a couch for a week was incredibly exhausting and made me really, really ill. The house has become so filthy that I'm paying cleaners MASSES to catch up on it before we decide on maintenance cleaning. I ended up in A&E with unexplained abdominal pain and some other symptoms and was rescued by a friend who sat with me and drive me home.

My eldest child will start school in September. She's looking forward to it, and I'm happy about the school she's chosen, and all that, but it's a big deal.

My days are very small now. I eat croissants from a packet in the morning because I can't manipulate cutlery until after I've eaten and fruit is too cold. Showering is a triumph. I can get dressed most days. I am not always in pain.

Being basically inactive is so strange. I hope summer fixes me.

Ta da list

  1. Got up before 8am
  2. Had shower
  3. Got dressed
  4. Tidied bathroom and set toothbrush to charge, toothbrush charger was disgusting, seriously how does that happen?!
  5. Took delivery of groceries, put some away
  6. Put on a load of laundry from the holiday
  7. Emptied and refilled the dishwasher
  8. Cleared mouldy food off table, dear god, ew
  9. Went to charity shop with three children, delivered donations and bought some things in my new, larger size
  10. Went to pharmacy to pick up hairties, chapstick etc
  11. Supervised kids doing some workbooks
  12. Booked Linnea's summer camp
  13. Booked my optician's appointment
  14. Paid a bill
  15. Let the electricity meter reader in
  16. Made enquiries about Linnea's summer school
  17. Registered for the potato council's educational growing kit
  18. Started sorting fluids for the trip on a plane in a few weeks. Carry-on only, the children are anxious about REALLY WANTING to bring (nail varnish, shower milk, detangler, whatever) so I'm trying to sort it out ahead of time. The good news is, because there are no children's fares any more, we have five adult cabin baggage allowances.
  19. In the last three days I have also booked all those flights, bus and taxi transfers etc.
  20. And I remembered to eat food.

Five weeks later

I have spent most of the past five weeks really really unwell. But I'm hopeful it's going to get better. After Christmas we spent a week at Centerparcs and I did tiny bits of cycling and lots of playing in the swimming pool, then we traveled back and the following day I was unable to stay awake for more than 10 minutes at a time, but that's ok.

Today we got out of the house in the daylight and ran some necessary errands, and I've made an appointment for an eye test, and the children are starting on their workbooks again. Emer has taught herself to crochet and Linnea's interest in Things And Stuff continues unabated. Astrid learned to swim while we were away and can now propel herself forwards in the water and breathe.

In bed for a bit

Actually on sofa, but this is the second day in a row I haven't been well enough to get dressed.

Winsome, Losesome

I have been getting out a bit more and doing a bit less when I do, so I haven't had any huge setbacks, so that's good. But I have a horrible headcold, bad enough that Rob's taken the day off work so I can try to recover a bit.

I've been watching Doctor Who on Netflix because I can't read books any more. Most of it I haven't seen before. It's nice and lightweight, generally, but sometimes infuriatingly bad.

Christmas is under control; the food is ordered, the gifts are mostly bought, the tree is up, we just need to send the cards.
I have a little pedometer app on my phone so I've been keeping an eye on what I do. I WAS leaving the house about once every three weeks, but since I'm not in constant pain any more, just intermittent plus fatigue, I'm carefully increasing it.

I did about 7k steps on Friday, in to town and around, and got a taxi back. I did 2k to the post office and back on Monday. And on Wednesday I did 8k taking the kids shopping, and when I came home I collapsed freezing cold and shaking for an hour. The cat scratched me because I couldn't get up to feed him, and the four-year-old used the kitchen steps to fetch me the antiseptic cream. But then I was able to cross the room to turn on the telly and we watched Monsters Inc which was lovely. Today is Thursday and my hips are aching, but I'm more or less ok otherwise. The morning got off to a bad start but I was mobile by 10 or so, though still tired and inclined to rest.

The thing is, if I never USE my muscles, they will go. They are going. My calves are floppier and I can't do my boots up. My abdomen is sagging. My clothes are getting too tight. Like Victor Tugelbend, I'd much rather be lazy with muscles that WORKED. So I must keep gently pressing on without making myself as ill as yesterday afternoon.

It was lovely to get out with the kids though, and show them the little Christmas market outside the old Town Hall, and sit in cafés and so on. They are such nice people.

Today I have used the address book and a pile of stickers to make a first step towards sending Christmas cards. I've been too ill for the last few years but today I even managed to order a print of a comparatively recent photo of the kids, so people can find out what they look like (big! lovely! long hair!)

I hope to get into town tomorrow to buy Christmas secrets without the children, but I'm a bit worried. I might have to use taxis. Perhaps I'll sell another painting (I've sold some! on Etsy! I'm so proud! And not as broke as I otherwise might be in spite of all the building work!)


I've cut out gluten as well as dairy and soy, and I've had massive vitamin D supplements, and my joints and digestion and migraines are all much better. And I'm not starving all the time; today I wanted to eat something like biscuits but also wasn't even slightly hungry, which was downright weird. I've been hungry most of the time for, um, ever, it feels like. Except just after a meal. Often hungry and feeling too sick to eat, since my early teens.

But not now.


Latest Month

May 2015


Jan: Linda, Ellises, Ellie, Wags, BfN
Apr: MC?
Apr: 12 nights to .se with RLE
Jul: 2 nights camping?
Jan: 7 nights in .ie with LE
Feb: 8 nights in .ie with LE
(of which 2 with R)
Jun: 7 nights in .ie with RLE for a wedding
Jul: 7 nights in .ie with RLE
Aug: 5 nights at DWCon with RLE
Aug: 4 nights camping with RLE
Sep: 4 nights camping with LE
Nov: 7 nights holiday with RLE
Dec: 2 nights for Xmas
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