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In bed for a bit

Actually on sofa, but this is the second day in a row I haven't been well enough to get dressed.

Winsome, Losesome

I have been getting out a bit more and doing a bit less when I do, so I haven't had any huge setbacks, so that's good. But I have a horrible headcold, bad enough that Rob's taken the day off work so I can try to recover a bit.

I've been watching Doctor Who on Netflix because I can't read books any more. Most of it I haven't seen before. It's nice and lightweight, generally, but sometimes infuriatingly bad.

Christmas is under control; the food is ordered, the gifts are mostly bought, the tree is up, we just need to send the cards.
I have a little pedometer app on my phone so I've been keeping an eye on what I do. I WAS leaving the house about once every three weeks, but since I'm not in constant pain any more, just intermittent plus fatigue, I'm carefully increasing it.

I did about 7k steps on Friday, in to town and around, and got a taxi back. I did 2k to the post office and back on Monday. And on Wednesday I did 8k taking the kids shopping, and when I came home I collapsed freezing cold and shaking for an hour. The cat scratched me because I couldn't get up to feed him, and the four-year-old used the kitchen steps to fetch me the antiseptic cream. But then I was able to cross the room to turn on the telly and we watched Monsters Inc which was lovely. Today is Thursday and my hips are aching, but I'm more or less ok otherwise. The morning got off to a bad start but I was mobile by 10 or so, though still tired and inclined to rest.

The thing is, if I never USE my muscles, they will go. They are going. My calves are floppier and I can't do my boots up. My abdomen is sagging. My clothes are getting too tight. Like Victor Tugelbend, I'd much rather be lazy with muscles that WORKED. So I must keep gently pressing on without making myself as ill as yesterday afternoon.

It was lovely to get out with the kids though, and show them the little Christmas market outside the old Town Hall, and sit in cafés and so on. They are such nice people.

Today I have used the address book and a pile of stickers to make a first step towards sending Christmas cards. I've been too ill for the last few years but today I even managed to order a print of a comparatively recent photo of the kids, so people can find out what they look like (big! lovely! long hair!)

I hope to get into town tomorrow to buy Christmas secrets without the children, but I'm a bit worried. I might have to use taxis. Perhaps I'll sell another painting (I've sold some! on Etsy! I'm so proud! And not as broke as I otherwise might be in spite of all the building work!)


I've cut out gluten as well as dairy and soy, and I've had massive vitamin D supplements, and my joints and digestion and migraines are all much better. And I'm not starving all the time; today I wanted to eat something like biscuits but also wasn't even slightly hungry, which was downright weird. I've been hungry most of the time for, um, ever, it feels like. Except just after a meal. Often hungry and feeling too sick to eat, since my early teens.

But not now.



People really don't seem to understand my current level of unwellness. I can walk a couple of hundred yards but I have to rest. I shower sitting down most of the time - I celebrate being able to shower standing up, but I did it unwisely the other day and had to lie down afterwards for a rest. I have developed strategies for keeping the children amused and fed, and they seem to get plenty of exercise though could probably use more.

However, I walked almost a mile without significant pain on Friday, so it's possible. Just not terribly likely.

It's making Christmas a big, big deal. I'm having to plan extremely carefully so that we can get everything the children expect as a tradition (Christmas pudding trivial and could be skipped or bought in, Christmas trifle very very important to get right). I'm not sure when I'll get the energy to take them all into the town centre but it had better be soon; we have birthday and Christmas presents which have to be bought *by them* not by me.

I think I have a plan, but it's tricky, because if I can't walk, the plan won't work, and I never know until I wake up how bad my knees will be.

I seem to have lost myself somehow

I don't read any more - and don't write - and I don't even make poems, I haven't since all that nastiness in the Loos years ago. I have painted a little for the last two days, so that's something.

It's all part and parcel of being so exhausted and feeble all the time. But I don't really know myself.

I was reading http://pomes.dreamwidth.org/ today, and reached http://pomes.dreamwidth.org/46338.html and realised I MISS it. I'm not sure how to restart though.


I never do Clovember and I always sort of wish I did but in all honesty thinking about my clothes *every day* for a *whole week* is too much.



My birthday was Saturday, so now it's Christmas planning time. Christmas, that time of year when we're always quietly certain that we'll offend people and/or make the children unhappy! So good I spent New Year 2011 terrifyingly suicidal!

There are things I love about Christmas, and it's much better when we nestle down with just the five (previously four, or three) of us, but the payoff for that is always dealing with the people who want to be here too.

But we've had Hallowe'en and trick or treating and costumes, and I had a birthday cake and people sang Happy Birthday and I blew out the candles, and the children are making paper chains, paper angels, and paper snowflakes.

We really need to figure out how to keep the house from descending into absolute squalor when I'm ill. I'm doing the executive function for everyone and I need to sort that out.


Two magnificent babies were born to friends of mine on Monday this week. I'm delighted, because they have both been born to fabulous people, and a little worried, because both families are dealing with the anxious tedium of postnatal hospital stuff.

But BABIES yay I do like babies.

More ill health

 The skin thing is shingles, and the antivirals make me incredibly sleepy. I've spent two days in bed with the children hanging around my room when they want to and refusing to come near when they don't. I feel rotten.

And of course I haven't posted my GP letter since because I haven't left the blasted house. Even though I both printed and signed it.

The good news is that Emer is listening to Stephen Fry's Harry Potter audiobooks and enjoying them hugely.

Latest Month

July 2015


Jan: Linda, Ellises, Ellie, Wags, BfN
Apr: MC?
Apr: 12 nights to .se with RLE
Jul: 2 nights camping?
Jan: 7 nights in .ie with LE
Feb: 8 nights in .ie with LE
(of which 2 with R)
Jun: 7 nights in .ie with RLE for a wedding
Jul: 7 nights in .ie with RLE
Aug: 5 nights at DWCon with RLE
Aug: 4 nights camping with RLE
Sep: 4 nights camping with LE
Nov: 7 nights holiday with RLE
Dec: 2 nights for Xmas
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